orse. I am not suggesting that you stop your resentment through sheer will power. Fat chance. No, use the steps we've already talked about.

I know a man name John, who had a boss who was impossibly demanding and ungrateful. Many times John wanted to quit his job, but he asked me almost the same question you asked. I gave him the same answer I'm giving you, and he did what I suggested. Rather than resenting his boss, he started taking responsibility for his own anger. He realized that he'd been communicating his resistance and lack of cooperation to the boss, and he realized that he was unfairly expecting approval and respect from the man.

So instead of making demands and being resentful, John took the steps we talked about. He told the truth about his selfishness to some friends and got their acceptance. And he made a decision to quit having expectations of the boss. But he went further. Whenever the boss got angry, John immediately thanked him for his feedback and immediately corrected the problem—instead of resenting him for it. Occasionall

So your boss thinks ‘patience' are people in hospitals and his idea of encouragement is a kick in the pants. He always has something critical to say. If you do a job well, he says nothing, but if you make a mistake, he blows up. You hate working for him and so does everybody else. How can you work with a boss like this and NOT be angry? Is it even possible?

We get angry at people only when they fail to give us something we expect. If a total stranger fails to give you something for your birthday, for example, you don't get angry, because you didn't expect a gift from that person. Obviously, then, you do expect something from your boss that you're not getting. What is it? I assume you're getting paid, so you must want something more: gratitude, appreciation, and respect. I know this is hard for you to hear, but your boss isn't obligated to give you any of that. In the workplace, you have entered into a contract where you provide certain services, and you are paid for what you do. Your boss didn't sign a contract that required him to be kind, appreciative, understanding, and supportive.

Certainly it would be nice if he extended a little appreciation, but that's his choice to make. A relationship is a natural result of people making independent choices. He has chosen to be critical and unkind, and you don't have the right to change that choice for him.

So the question is, what choice will you make here? So far you've chosen to respond to him with anger and resentment. You do that only because you don't have enough Real Love—unconditional love—in your life. You feel empty and afraid, and when you get angry, you a little stronger, a little less helpless. People who feel unconditionally loved really do have the most important thing in life, so they're not bothered by people who are inconsiderate and angry. People with enough Real Love really can choose not to be angry in response to people who are rude, like your boss.

It's important to ask, how's your choice working out for you? It turns out that what's really bothering you here is not your boss's behavior—it's your resentment of his behavior. Anger is a cancer that absolutely destroys happiness.

So your anger is killing your own happiness, and how is it affecting your boss and your relationship with him? Remember, he's only angry in the first place because he doesn't feel loved either. He's not doing it consciously, but without enough Real Love he's using anger and criticism to protect himself and gets a feeling of power as he controls all of you at work. But what he really wants is your genuine acceptance. No kidding, and then when you respond to his anger with your own, he feels even more unloved—even more empty and afraid—so then he is even more critical and angry in order to protect himself. This cycle isn't working out very well for either of you, is it?

You can't change your boss, but you can change you. Make a conscious choice to let go of your expectations of him. That will be easier if you can remember two things:

First, remember every day that he's just empty and afraid. When you see him in that way, as a large, needy child, it will be much harder for you to resent him. Second, remember that you have no right to demand appreciation and respect from him. You don't get to control other people—EVER.

Most important, you need to get enough unconditional love in your own life. Learn to tell the truth about yourself and find people who can accept you as you really are—with your emptiness, neediness, anger, and demands. When you have enough Real Love—from anyone—you won't require any particular behavior from any one person, like your boss.

When you feel loved enough, you won't be bothered by your boss's behavior anymore. But that does not mean you have to stay in your present job. As you're learning to feel loved, his attacking behavior might just be too much for you. If so, you might have to get another job.

If you decide to stay, though, you have to stop resenting him. Resenting him will only make you miserable, and it will make your boss's attitude worse, because—as we talked about—you do communicate your attitude about him, and he feels it. Then he reacts to your anger, and everything gets worse. I am not suggesting that you stop your resentment through sheer will power. Fat chance. No, use the steps we've already talked about.

I know a man name John, who had a boss who was impossibly demanding and ungrateful. Many times John wanted to quit his job, but he asked me almost the same question you asked. I gave him the same answer I'm giving you, and he did what I suggested. Rather than resenting his boss, he started taking responsibility for his own anger. He realized that he'd been communicating his resistance and lack of cooperation to the boss, and he realized that he was unfairly expecting approval and respect from the man.

So instead of making demands and being resentful, John took the steps we talked about. He told the truth about his selfishness to some friends and got their acceptance. And he made a decision to quit having expectations of the boss. But he went further. Whenever the boss got angry, John immediately thanked him for his feedback and immediately corrected the problem—instead of resenting him for it. Occasionally

ative, understanding, and supportive.

Certainly it would be nice if he extended a little appreciation, but that's his choice to make. A relationship is a natural result of people making independent choices. He has chosen to be critical and unkind, and you don't have the right to change that choice for him.

So the question is, what choice will you make here? So far you've chosen to respond to him with anger and resentment. You do that only because you don't have enough Real Love—unconditional love—in your life. You feel empty and afraid, and when you get angry, you a little stronger, a little less helpless. People who feel unconditionally loved really do have the most important thing in life, so they're not bothered by people who are inconsiderate and angry. People with enough Real Love really can choose not to be angry in response to people who are rude, like your boss.

It's important to ask, how's your choice working out for you? It turns out that what's really bothering you here is not your boss's behavior—it's your resentment of his behavior. Anger is a cancer that absolutely destroys happiness.

So your anger is killing your own happiness, and how is it affecting your boss and your relationship with him? Remember, he's only angry in the first place because he doesn't feel loved either. He's not doing it consciously, but without enough Real Love he's using anger and criticism to protect himself and gets a feeling of power as he controls all of you at work. But what he really wants is your genuine acceptance. No kidding, and then when you respond to his anger with your own, he feels even more unloved—even more empty and afraid—so then he is even more critical and angry in order to protect himself. This cycle isn't working out very well for either of you, is it?

You can't change your boss, but you can change you. Make a conscious choice to let go of your expectations of him. That will be easier if you can remember two things:

First, remember every day that he's just empty and afraid. When you see him in that way, as a large, needy child, it will be much harder for you to resent him. Second, remember that you have no right to demand appreciation and respect from him. You don't get to control other people—EVER.

Most important, you need to get enough unconditional love in your own life. Learn to tell the truth about yourself and find people who can accept you as you really are—with your emptiness, neediness, anger, and demands. When you have enough Real Love—from anyone—you won't require any particular behavior from any one person, like your boss.

When you feel loved enough, you won't be bothered by your boss's behavior anymore. But that does not mean you have to stay in your present job. As you're learning to feel loved, his attacking behavior might just be too much for you. If so, you might have to get another job.

If you decide to stay, though, you have to stop resenting him. Resenting him will only make you miserable, and it will make your boss's attitude worse, because—as we talked about—you do communicate your attitude about him, and he feels it. Then he reacts to your anger, and everything gets worse. I am not suggesting that you stop your resentment through sheer will power. Fat chance. No, use the steps we've already talked about.

I know a man name John, who had a boss who was impossibly demanding and ungrateful. Many times John wanted to quit his job, but he asked me almost the same question you asked. I gave him the same answer I'm giving you, and he did what I suggested. Rather than resenting his boss, he started taking responsibility for his own anger. He realized that he'd been communicating his resistance and lack of cooperation to the boss, and he realized that he was unfairly expecting approval and respect from the man.

So instead of making demands and being resentful, John took the steps we talked about. He told the truth about his selfishness to some friends and got their acceptance. And he made a decision to quit having expectations of the boss. But he went further. Whenever the boss got angry, John immediately thanked him for his feedback and immediately corrected the problem—instead of resenting him for it. Occasionall

behavior. Anger is a cancer that absolutely destroys happiness.

So your anger is killing your own happiness, and how is it affecting your boss and your relationship with him? Remember, he's only angry in the first place because he doesn't feel loved either. He's not doing it consciously, but without enough Real Love he's using anger and criticism to protect himself and gets a feeling of power as he controls all of you at work. But what he really wants is your genuine acceptance. No kidding, and then when you respond to his anger with your own, he feels even more unloved—even more empty and afraid—so then he is even more critical and angry in order to protect himself. This cycle isn't working out very well for either of you, is it?

You can't change your boss, but you can change you. Make a conscious choice to let go of your expectations of him. That will be easier if you can remember two things:

First, remember every day that he's just empty and afraid. When you see him in that way, as a large, needy child, it will be much harder for you to resent him. Second, remember that you have no right to demand appreciation and respect from him. You don't get to control other people—EVER.

Most important, you need to get enough unconditional love in your own life. Learn to tell the truth about yourself and find people who can accept you as you really are—with your emptiness, neediness, anger, and demands. When you have enough Real Love—from anyone—you won't require any particular behavior from any one person, like your boss.

When you feel loved enough, you won't be bothered by your boss's behavior anymore. But that does not mean you have to stay in your present job. As you're learning to feel loved, his attacking behavior might just be too much for you. If so, you might have to get another job.

If you decide to stay, though, you have to stop resenting him. Resenting him will only make you miserable, and it will make your boss's attitude worse, because—as we talked about—you do communicate your attitude about him, and he feels it. Then he reacts to your anger, and everything gets worse. I am not suggesting that you stop your resentment through sheer will power. Fat chance. No, use the steps we've already talked about.

I know a man name John, who had a boss who was impossibly demanding and ungrateful. Many times John wanted to quit his job, but he asked me almost the same question you asked. I gave him the same answer I'm giving you, and he did what I suggested. Rather than resenting his boss, he started taking responsibility for his own anger. He realized that he'd been communicating his resistance and lack of cooperation to the boss, and he realized that he was unfairly expecting approval and respect from the man.

So instead of making demands and being resentful, John took the steps we talked about. He told the truth about his selfishness to some friends and got their acceptance. And he made a decision to quit having expectations of the boss. But he went further. Whenever the boss got angry, John immediately thanked him for his feedback and immediately corrected the problem—instead of resenting him for it. Occasionall

to resent him. Second, remember that you have no right to demand appreciation and respect from him. You don't get to control other people—EVER.

Most important, you need to get enough unconditional love in your own life. Learn to tell the truth about yourself and find people who can accept you as you really are—with your emptiness, neediness, anger, and demands. When you have enough Real Love—from anyone—you won't require any particular behavior from any one person, like your boss.

When you feel loved enough, you won't be bothered by your boss's behavior anymore. But that does not mean you have to stay in your present job. As you're learning to feel loved, his attacking behavior might just be too much for you. If so, you might have to get another job.

If you decide to stay, though, you have to stop resenting him. Resenting him will only make you miserable, and it will make your boss's attitude worse, because—as we talked about—you do communicate your attitude about him, and he feels it. Then he reacts to your anger, and everything gets worse. I am not suggesting that you stop your resentment through sheer will power. Fat chance. No, use the steps we've already talked about.

I know a man name John, who had a boss who was impossibly demanding and ungrateful. Many times John wanted to quit his job, but he asked me almost the same question you asked. I gave him the same answer I'm giving you, and he did what I suggested. Rather than resenting his boss, he started taking responsibility for his own anger. He realized that he'd been communicating his resistance and lack of cooperation to the boss, and he realized that he was unfairly expecting approval and respect from the man.

So instead of making demands and being resentful, John took the steps we talked about. He told the truth about his selfishness to some friends and got their acceptance. And he made a decision to quit having expectations of the boss. But he went further. Whenever the boss got angry, John immediately thanked him for his feedback and immediately corrected the problem—instead of resenting him for it. Occasionall

orse. I am not suggesting that you stop your resentment through sheer will power. Fat chance. No, use the steps we've already talked about.

I know a man name John, who had a boss who was impossibly demanding and ungrateful. Many times John wanted to quit his job, but he asked me almost the same question you asked. I gave him the same answer I'm giving you, and he did what I suggested. Rather than resenting his boss, he started taking responsibility for his own anger. He realized that he'd been communicating his resistance and lack of cooperation to the boss, and he realized that he was unfairly expecting approval and respect from the man.

So instead of making demands and being resentful, John took the steps we talked about. He told the truth about his selfishness to some friends and got their acceptance. And he made a decision to quit having expectations of the boss. But he went further. Whenever the boss got angry, John immediately thanked him for his feedback and immediately corrected the problem—instead of resenting him for it. Occasionally, he went to the boss and even asked how he could do a better job of helping out.

After John had done all that for several weeks, he said that his boss became a different person. He started thanking John for his work, and gradually they developed a relaxed and productive relationship. As you can imagine, John quit hating his job.

As we change and become more accepting toward the people around us, the world around us often changes too. Real Love melts monsters. But sometimes the people around us don't respond in positive ways to our attempts to love them. So what? Even when angry people stay the same, we become much happier as we accept them and give up our expectations and anger.

It's always about Real Love.