Be sincere. You're not manipulating, you're stepping into another human being's shoes. And a real interest in "What makes this person tick?" will accomplishes much more than "How can I get this person to do what I want?".

1. Look for one thing you can agree with. For example, don't start with, "You are really out of line, or "you don't know what you're talking about." Rather: "John, you've obviously put a lot of thought into this. I like what you said about ... "

   Be sincere. You're not manipulating, you're stepping into another human being's shoes. And a real interest in "What makes this person tick?" will accomplishes much more than "How can I get this person to do what I want?".

2. Change your thinking from getting your point across to offering information that may be of value. The listener is more likely to receive your offer favorably if it helps him achieve his goals, look good, or save face.
   For example, "John, from what you're saying, you believe you're doing a good job and living up to the requirements of the job description. I have a slightly different take on it. As I see it, you put a lot of thought into certain aspects of your work, and I have some ideas about how you can advance in your career by making a few simple changes."

3. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. Teach your partner what things look like from your perspective. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, respectfully describe the feelings that ensued or the resulting impact. Assume the person has positive intent, and try to help him to live up to that assumption. When you accuse, blame or manipulate, your partner becomes defensive and stops listening.

4. Communicate your hopes and goals. When you're disappointed, let others in on your expectations. For example,
   So, You Are Thinking About a Career In Sales
   Selling is fun and rewarding. You help people solve problems, overcome challenges, improve their sales or results, help them sleep better at night because of your creative solutions. The average professional salesperson keeps at least 30 other people employed in our economy. That, my friend is a worthy profession. However, this success does not c
   est in "What makes this person tick?" will accomplishes much more than "How can I get this person to do what I want?".

5. Change your thinking from getting your point across to offering information that may be of value. The listener is more likely to receive your offer favorably if it helps him achieve his goals, look good, or save face.
   For example, "John, from what you're saying, you believe you're doing a good job and living up to the requirements of the job description. I have a slightly different take on it. As I see it, you put a lot of thought into certain aspects of your work, and I have some ideas about how you can advance in your career by making a few simple changes."

6. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. Teach your partner what things look like from your perspective. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, respectfully describe the feelings that ensued or the resulting impact. Assume the person has positive intent, and try to help him to live up to that assumption. When you accuse, blame or manipulate, your partner becomes defensive and stops listening.

7. Communicate your hopes and goals. When you're disappointed, let others in on your expectations. For example,
   Public Relations for Natural Gas
   Public relations for a natural resources is very important especially for those natural resources which help us with our energy. Energy is vitally important to our civilization and we need to pay attention more to it. But what happens when natural gas public relations work too well and everybody switches to natural gas?Well, we found out as
   you're doing a good job and living up to the requirements of the job description. I have a slightly different take on it. As I see it, you put a lot of thought into certain aspects of your work, and I have some ideas about how you can advance in your career by making a few simple changes."

8. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. Teach your partner what things look like from your perspective. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, respectfully describe the feelings that ensued or the resulting impact. Assume the person has positive intent, and try to help him to live up to that assumption. When you accuse, blame or manipulate, your partner becomes defensive and stops listening.

9. Communicate your hopes and goals. When you're disappointed, let others in on your expectations. For example,
   Smart Choices: How to Hire the Best
   Your organization’s continued growth and success depend on making smart choices and hiring the best. Today’s economy is exploding with talent, allowing you to be selective about the staff you hire. Yet, the crucial step to filling a position is finding the right talent for your organization - someone that has the skills for the job, easily blends
   student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, respectfully describe the feelings that ensued or the resulting impact. Assume the person has positive intent, and try to help him to live up to that assumption. When you accuse, blame or manipulate, your partner becomes defensive and stops listening.

10. Communicate your hopes and goals. When you're disappointed, let others in on your expectations. For example, "When you said you would have the spreadsheet ready Tuesday, I took you at your word. My hope is that we all recognize the importance of deadlines on a project as time sensitive as this one. Can you tell me what happened and what we can do to remedy the situation?"

Do You Want to Win or Solve the Problem?

In the end, you may find that "getting your point across" is language that presumes a contest of wills and that there are more efficient ways to achieve your objective. You are less likely to create defensiveness in the listener when you disclose your thinking, acknowledge his, maintain respect, and establish consequences.