pond in a way that he is neurologically inclined to do, I have then opened the gate of his mind, which then embraces my suggestion and allows it to impact his or her thinking and behaving. In its entirety, it might look something like this. “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think. John, you may be able to find yourself not only becoming more and more excited about the weight you’re losing as you begin to walk each morning, but that you also begin to raise your stress threshold as well.”

Another method I have found to be almost magical in its ability to coax others into accepting a suggestion is that of extending an invitation to find the weaknesses in my proposed ideas. “John, I know you’ll most likely find this idea to be full of holes, but I’m going to stick it out there anyway, and ask that you analyze it for any incongruencies or parts that won’t work.” Again, my experience has been that the client will most often swat away or refute my suggestion that they find the problems of my idea, and then become open to the idea itself. In the event that the client does resist some or all of the idea, it is usually a much “softer” version of rejection, and keeps the level of r

Rare is the man or woman that doesn’t find themselves having to communicate on a frequent basis, with someone who seems to argue or refute almost anything they say. It may be a spirited child or student, a spouse or significant other, an employee or employer. The fact of the matter is, some people are compelled to resist, and I know, because I’m a reformed “resister.”

While researcher’s are finally starting to ferret out some important data in support of this knee jerk reaction or resisting, research indicating that these unruly reactions may very well have a genetic basis, my own experience long ago validated that my own DNA was somehow involved.

I can still remember coming home from school, thinking about all of the things I was going to tell my parents about the day, and as excited as I may have been, the moment one of the said, “ What did you do at school today?” I was compelled to clam up; it literally felt like I was being interrogated, even though they had simply asked about my day. When this occurred, I felt like I split into two different people; part of me was hell bent for leather, refusing to budge and give in, while another part of me was deeply saddened by the fact that I really wanted to share my day at school with them, but that I just couldn’t let myself.

Recent studies have shown that some people are wired neurologically in a way that makes their sensitivity to perceived stress much higher than for most. Notice I said perceived stress, because it’s all about perception; what seems like a harrowing experience for one person, may simply be the juice that makes life shine with passion for another. You might think of it like this, to the person that always resists the information you present them with, anything information that comes their way initially from someone other than themselves, is viewed as an intruder of sorts. They have a stress response, even to information that would be non-stressful to others.

If we begin to realize that these people will usually feel the need to refute and resist, then we can design our communication in a way that respects this inner need of the other person, fulfilling their desire to counter our proposal or request, while simultaneously creating the environment that is conducive for the response we desire.

Perhaps the world’s foremost expert on resistance reduction, who I’m also fortunate enough to be able to call my friend, is University of Arkansas Psychology Professor, Dr. Eric Knowles. Dr. Knowles has outlined several methods that have proven to be extremely effective for reducing resistance in others, with one of them being almost embarrassingly simple.

Knowles and his colleagues discovered that by simply acknowledging the resistance in others, we can bring about a significant decrease in how deeply they have dug their heels into the dirt if you will. In one study, Knowles found that when they stopped someone and asked, “Would you mail this letter for me?” that roughly 70% complied. They experienced and immediate increase of 30% by simply inserting a short phrase just before the request. When they began by saying, “I know you might not want to….” And then followed with “would you mail this letter for me?” 100% of those asked said yes.

In my work with the clients that I consult with, both face to face, and over the telephone, I have found the work of Dr. Knowles to be very instrumental in the results my clients achieve, and only wish I would have known this information years ago.

I’ll share with you some of the ways I’ve incorporated this concept into my communication with those who have come to me, more often than not, because they have recognized the resistance they have to their own desires and wishes. I must tell you though, it took me several years to understand that even though someone had willingly come to me because they wanted to make a particular change, that they would often times be just as resistant to me, as they had been to their own attempts to change a behavior. The fact that someone would pay a considerably amount of money, only to fight the very change they were paying for was unthinkable to me, perhaps because I wasn’t sure how to effectively work with it.

Once I have established that the client I’m working with is resisting most of what I say or present, I’ll switch into a different mode of operation. I might say, “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell is crazy, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think.”

If John has previously demonstrated that his mind darts in the opposite direction, then John will be compelled to refute and disagree with what I have just told him. In fact, my experience has been that John will most likely say something like “No, no, no, I won’t think it’s crazy, or that it won’t work…go ahead and shoot, I’m listening.”

When this happens, John has been given the satisfaction of resisting what I told him, and, when he then agrees with the suggestion that follows, he’ll also have earned the right to thumb his nose at me, saying, “See, I told you so. You thought I was going to tell you that was crazy and wouldn’t work.”

By giving the client the opportunity to respond in a way that he is neurologically inclined to do, I have then opened the gate of his mind, which then embraces my suggestion and allows it to impact his or her thinking and behaving. In its entirety, it might look something like this. “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think. John, you may be able to find yourself not only becoming more and more excited about the weight you’re losing as you begin to walk each morning, but that you also begin to raise your stress threshold as well.”

Another method I have found to be almost magical in its ability to coax others into accepting a suggestion is that of extending an invitation to find the weaknesses in my proposed ideas. “John, I know you’ll most likely find this idea to be full of holes, but I’m going to stick it out there anyway, and ask that you analyze it for any incongruencies or parts that won’t work.” Again, my experience has been that the client will most often swat away or refute my suggestion that they find the problems of my idea, and then become open to the idea itself. In the event that the client does resist some or all of the idea, it is usually a much “softer” version of rejection, and keeps the level of ra

ave shown that some people are wired neurologically in a way that makes their sensitivity to perceived stress much higher than for most. Notice I said perceived stress, because it’s all about perception; what seems like a harrowing experience for one person, may simply be the juice that makes life shine with passion for another. You might think of it like this, to the person that always resists the information you present them with, anything information that comes their way initially from someone other than themselves, is viewed as an intruder of sorts. They have a stress response, even to information that would be non-stressful to others.

If we begin to realize that these people will usually feel the need to refute and resist, then we can design our communication in a way that respects this inner need of the other person, fulfilling their desire to counter our proposal or request, while simultaneously creating the environment that is conducive for the response we desire.

Perhaps the world’s foremost expert on resistance reduction, who I’m also fortunate enough to be able to call my friend, is University of Arkansas Psychology Professor, Dr. Eric Knowles. Dr. Knowles has outlined several methods that have proven to be extremely effective for reducing resistance in others, with one of them being almost embarrassingly simple.

Knowles and his colleagues discovered that by simply acknowledging the resistance in others, we can bring about a significant decrease in how deeply they have dug their heels into the dirt if you will. In one study, Knowles found that when they stopped someone and asked, “Would you mail this letter for me?” that roughly 70% complied. They experienced and immediate increase of 30% by simply inserting a short phrase just before the request. When they began by saying, “I know you might not want to….” And then followed with “would you mail this letter for me?” 100% of those asked said yes.

In my work with the clients that I consult with, both face to face, and over the telephone, I have found the work of Dr. Knowles to be very instrumental in the results my clients achieve, and only wish I would have known this information years ago.

I’ll share with you some of the ways I’ve incorporated this concept into my communication with those who have come to me, more often than not, because they have recognized the resistance they have to their own desires and wishes. I must tell you though, it took me several years to understand that even though someone had willingly come to me because they wanted to make a particular change, that they would often times be just as resistant to me, as they had been to their own attempts to change a behavior. The fact that someone would pay a considerably amount of money, only to fight the very change they were paying for was unthinkable to me, perhaps because I wasn’t sure how to effectively work with it.

Once I have established that the client I’m working with is resisting most of what I say or present, I’ll switch into a different mode of operation. I might say, “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell is crazy, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think.”

If John has previously demonstrated that his mind darts in the opposite direction, then John will be compelled to refute and disagree with what I have just told him. In fact, my experience has been that John will most likely say something like “No, no, no, I won’t think it’s crazy, or that it won’t work…go ahead and shoot, I’m listening.”

When this happens, John has been given the satisfaction of resisting what I told him, and, when he then agrees with the suggestion that follows, he’ll also have earned the right to thumb his nose at me, saying, “See, I told you so. You thought I was going to tell you that was crazy and wouldn’t work.”

By giving the client the opportunity to respond in a way that he is neurologically inclined to do, I have then opened the gate of his mind, which then embraces my suggestion and allows it to impact his or her thinking and behaving. In its entirety, it might look something like this. “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think. John, you may be able to find yourself not only becoming more and more excited about the weight you’re losing as you begin to walk each morning, but that you also begin to raise your stress threshold as well.”

Another method I have found to be almost magical in its ability to coax others into accepting a suggestion is that of extending an invitation to find the weaknesses in my proposed ideas. “John, I know you’ll most likely find this idea to be full of holes, but I’m going to stick it out there anyway, and ask that you analyze it for any incongruencies or parts that won’t work.” Again, my experience has been that the client will most often swat away or refute my suggestion that they find the problems of my idea, and then become open to the idea itself. In the event that the client does resist some or all of the idea, it is usually a much “softer” version of rejection, and keeps the level of r

almost embarrassingly simple.

Knowles and his colleagues discovered that by simply acknowledging the resistance in others, we can bring about a significant decrease in how deeply they have dug their heels into the dirt if you will. In one study, Knowles found that when they stopped someone and asked, “Would you mail this letter for me?” that roughly 70% complied. They experienced and immediate increase of 30% by simply inserting a short phrase just before the request. When they began by saying, “I know you might not want to….” And then followed with “would you mail this letter for me?” 100% of those asked said yes.

In my work with the clients that I consult with, both face to face, and over the telephone, I have found the work of Dr. Knowles to be very instrumental in the results my clients achieve, and only wish I would have known this information years ago.

I’ll share with you some of the ways I’ve incorporated this concept into my communication with those who have come to me, more often than not, because they have recognized the resistance they have to their own desires and wishes. I must tell you though, it took me several years to understand that even though someone had willingly come to me because they wanted to make a particular change, that they would often times be just as resistant to me, as they had been to their own attempts to change a behavior. The fact that someone would pay a considerably amount of money, only to fight the very change they were paying for was unthinkable to me, perhaps because I wasn’t sure how to effectively work with it.

Once I have established that the client I’m working with is resisting most of what I say or present, I’ll switch into a different mode of operation. I might say, “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell is crazy, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think.”

If John has previously demonstrated that his mind darts in the opposite direction, then John will be compelled to refute and disagree with what I have just told him. In fact, my experience has been that John will most likely say something like “No, no, no, I won’t think it’s crazy, or that it won’t work…go ahead and shoot, I’m listening.”

When this happens, John has been given the satisfaction of resisting what I told him, and, when he then agrees with the suggestion that follows, he’ll also have earned the right to thumb his nose at me, saying, “See, I told you so. You thought I was going to tell you that was crazy and wouldn’t work.”

By giving the client the opportunity to respond in a way that he is neurologically inclined to do, I have then opened the gate of his mind, which then embraces my suggestion and allows it to impact his or her thinking and behaving. In its entirety, it might look something like this. “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think. John, you may be able to find yourself not only becoming more and more excited about the weight you’re losing as you begin to walk each morning, but that you also begin to raise your stress threshold as well.”

Another method I have found to be almost magical in its ability to coax others into accepting a suggestion is that of extending an invitation to find the weaknesses in my proposed ideas. “John, I know you’ll most likely find this idea to be full of holes, but I’m going to stick it out there anyway, and ask that you analyze it for any incongruencies or parts that won’t work.” Again, my experience has been that the client will most often swat away or refute my suggestion that they find the problems of my idea, and then become open to the idea itself. In the event that the client does resist some or all of the idea, it is usually a much “softer” version of rejection, and keeps the level of r

nt to me, as they had been to their own attempts to change a behavior. The fact that someone would pay a considerably amount of money, only to fight the very change they were paying for was unthinkable to me, perhaps because I wasn’t sure how to effectively work with it.

Once I have established that the client I’m working with is resisting most of what I say or present, I’ll switch into a different mode of operation. I might say, “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell is crazy, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think.”

If John has previously demonstrated that his mind darts in the opposite direction, then John will be compelled to refute and disagree with what I have just told him. In fact, my experience has been that John will most likely say something like “No, no, no, I won’t think it’s crazy, or that it won’t work…go ahead and shoot, I’m listening.”

When this happens, John has been given the satisfaction of resisting what I told him, and, when he then agrees with the suggestion that follows, he’ll also have earned the right to thumb his nose at me, saying, “See, I told you so. You thought I was going to tell you that was crazy and wouldn’t work.”

By giving the client the opportunity to respond in a way that he is neurologically inclined to do, I have then opened the gate of his mind, which then embraces my suggestion and allows it to impact his or her thinking and behaving. In its entirety, it might look something like this. “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think. John, you may be able to find yourself not only becoming more and more excited about the weight you’re losing as you begin to walk each morning, but that you also begin to raise your stress threshold as well.”

Another method I have found to be almost magical in its ability to coax others into accepting a suggestion is that of extending an invitation to find the weaknesses in my proposed ideas. “John, I know you’ll most likely find this idea to be full of holes, but I’m going to stick it out there anyway, and ask that you analyze it for any incongruencies or parts that won’t work.” Again, my experience has been that the client will most often swat away or refute my suggestion that they find the problems of my idea, and then become open to the idea itself. In the event that the client does resist some or all of the idea, it is usually a much “softer” version of rejection, and keeps the level of r

pond in a way that he is neurologically inclined to do, I have then opened the gate of his mind, which then embraces my suggestion and allows it to impact his or her thinking and behaving. In its entirety, it might look something like this. “Now John, you’re probably going to think what I’m going to tell, and will think that it won’t work, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, just to see what you think. John, you may be able to find yourself not only becoming more and more excited about the weight you’re losing as you begin to walk each morning, but that you also begin to raise your stress threshold as well.”

Another method I have found to be almost magical in its ability to coax others into accepting a suggestion is that of extending an invitation to find the weaknesses in my proposed ideas. “John, I know you’ll most likely find this idea to be full of holes, but I’m going to stick it out there anyway, and ask that you analyze it for any incongruencies or parts that won’t work.” Again, my experience has been that the client will most often swat away or refute my suggestion that they find the problems of my idea, and then become open to the idea itself. In the event that the client does resist some or all of the idea, it is usually a much “softer” version of rejection, and keeps the level of rapport between us that had been previously established.

Now I’m certain that you’ll find what I’m about to tell you a bit off the wall and not worthy of pursuing, but I’ll tell you nonetheless; if you will use this information for the next 30 days with people who have routinely resisted your ideas, you’ll never again be without these magnificent communication tools as you seek to influence others.

© Copyright 2007, Vincent Harris-All Rights Reserved.