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Casual Articles - A Gay Lovers' Quarrel: Joe & Paul Talk It Out
I'm so excited to answer all of your questions so here are the first three and will get to the next batch tomorrow.================================ Question 1 ================================Hi,Thank you for you e-mail, yes how do I get started with online internet MLM.I do have a home base business and the company does have a website that I plug into with a website so please tell me the 1.2.3 or the abc of doing my home base business online.thank you much Pat."patricia koger" ================================Patricia,Great question . . .Here is exactly what you should do.1. Create your own lead capture page connected to your own autoresponder so that you can control all of the leads that you generate. Focus the lead capture page on a big desire or problem that you market has and then redirect your opt ins after they subscribe to your companies sales page.2. Send traffic to your lead capture page. PPC is good to start with, but writing articles is a great long term solution if done in volume.3. Once people opt into your lead capture page develop a relationship with them and over time the right people will raise their hand to join you in your calling.Keep it simple and plug along and you will succeed!================================== Question 2 ================================Daegan
Additionally, the formula is beneficial for helping both partners fine-tune their communication styles. For a more verbal partner, “I messages” help to streamline his thoughts into a simple, understandable statement rather than a barrage of sentences that can overwhelm his partner. For a less verbally-sophisticated or quiet partner, the formula allows him a step-by-step format for expressing himself if he typically has a hard time finding the words to convey what he’s thinking in his mind. While the formula may seem mechanical, contrived, or awkward, it provides a sound framework to begin from and can be modified to your own language and style. This is just one of many communication techniques you can try on for size!
Joe & Paul Revisited
Joe and Paul sat on the couch facing each other, both feeling more calm and centered as they desired to clear the air from their argument the night before and come to some resolution about how t
These are wonderful places to buy (and sell), if you know what you’re doing. Flea markets and car boot sales are very similar events with the main exception that one is usually held indoors, the other outside. Give them a go, have a great day out, and come back with lots of great stuff to sell on eBay.TIPS* Inspect sellers’ stalls, especially inexperienced sellers at boot sales and flea markets. You’ll normally spot them from their haphazard approach to selling, unpriced goods, and hoards of pets running riot and kids fiddling with the stock! They usually offer the best bargains and will offer further discounts to ensure they sell out on the day and don’t take unwanted stock back home.* Always haggle with sellers, even for low value, high resale items. A caudle cup, priced at ?5, haggled to ?3, resold in Edinburgh recently for many thousands of pounds.* Arrive early at fairs, swapmeets, markets, before other dealers get first pick of bargain goods and miracle finds. Say you’re ‘trade’, even if you’re not, and gain admission long before the doors open to the public.* Look for items now sold individually which were originally issued in sets: some postcards, cigarette cards, some books. Find one and chances are the remainder are lurking alongside. For example, at a northern flea market I spotted a postcard showing what looked like part of Christ’s face, followed soon by cards depict
Paul threw open the door to the apartment in a rage and stormed inside, Joe hot on his tail. “God, you are being such a drama queen! It’s no big deal! You’re reading way too much into this!” cried Joe as he cornered his partner in the bedroom. Paul swung around to face him, reeling with anger as his heart pounded ferociously against his chest and his hard, shallow breathing neared hyperventilation. “No big deal?! Gee, thanks for caring about how I feel! That is just so typical of you to only think of yourself and then downplay what you’ve done and not take any responsibility! Then I end up looking like the melodramatic one and you come out smelling like a rose! Well not this time, Joe! I’ve had it!”
Joe fell to the bed and held his head in his hands as he let out a frustrated sigh. “You are so infuriating! This was supposed to be our romantic night out together and you totally ruined it with your stupid assumptions!” he grumbled. “I ruined it?! We hardly see each other anymore, and when we finally get a night out just the two of us, you can’t keep your eyes off the other guys in the restaurant! It’s like I didn’t even exist in there! You barely said even two words to me because you were too busy undressing everybody there in your mind!” “You are so off base, man! The guys in there were hot and I’m a natural flirt, I can’t help it! It doesn’t mean that I want to sleep with them though! I am sick and tired of having to take the blame and suffer for your past failed relationships! I have never given you any reason to doubt my commitment to you and all you ever do is jump to conclusions about my motives! What do you want from me?!” Joe shouted. “See, there you go again! It’s always my fault, isn’t it?! Just forget it! You can sleep on the couch tonight!” spat Paul as he heaved a pillow and blanket at him from across the room and then stalked off, slamming and locking the bathroom door behind him.
Love & Conflict
While the above scenario may seem a bit like “The Young & the Restless”, it certainly depicts how an argument can downward-spiral fast. Conflict is normal and inevitable in all relationships; in fact, there can’t be growth as a couple without it! However, the manner in which the conflict is approached and managed can either contribute to the health and development of the relationship, or it can cause its demise. Words hurt and can have lasting effect, and as seen by our friends Paul and Joe, they can damage the foundation of trust and intimacy that the partnership is built upon.
As a couple, it’s important to view conflict as an opportunity to bridge more connection. As men, we’ve been socialized to be strong, aggressive, and competitive. While these traits are definite assets, they can be counter-productive when communicating with a significant other about differences or problems. Another tendency that we men have is to skip over feelings and jump right into problem-solving mode to rectify a situation. This is another obstacle to effective communication in an intimate relationship. Listening and validation of each partner’s feelings and needs is an essential pre-requisite to problem-solving and requires us to slow down and really pay attention to the messages communicated by our lovers.
So when faced with an altercation with your partner, it’s important to do the following:
·Identify your triggers to anger and know when your emotions (or your partner’s) are at a point where continuing a dialogue would be detrimental and unproductive.
·Defuse anger immediately by calling a “Time-Out” and having a cool-down period where you can each relax and gain some perspective. This will help avoid the potential for hurtful words to be expressed; words that hurt and can’t be taken back.
·Schedule a time to come back and talk about the situation so that it’s not “swept under the rug”, which would only serve to accumulate resentments. Set the stage for communication by creating ground rules for discussion and a safe environment to have a dialogue.
·Have conscious intention during your talk. Avoid being distracted by what you want to say and instead be fully engaged with your partner and focus on active listening so you can truly understand his needs, feelings, and point-of-view. You’ll have your chance to state your position. Don’t interrupt, stay on one subject at a time, and display appropriate levels of empathy and validation for your partner.
The “I” Messages Communication Technique
There are almost as many communication models available as there are self-help books, but one of the most popular of them is the “I” statements communication technique. Frequently taught in couples counseling, this strategy has a practical and easy-to-use formula for expressing your needs and feelings in a direct, assertive way. If executed the right way, this model reduces the chances that your partner will respond in a defensive way and will promote a more successful communication session.
Basically, the formula reads:
I feel (insert feeling; make sure it’s a feeling, not a thought) when you (describe his behavior) because (rationale for why you feel the way you do) so instead, I’d prefer (request for a behavior change).
The model works well because you’re taking responsibility for your feelings without blaming and you’re describing the behavior that is upsetting to you as opposed to launching an attack on your partner’s character, which the word “you” alone tends to inspire and hence creates defensiveness on the part of the other. Requesting a behavior change doesn’t guarantee you’ll get what you want, but asserting yourself can give you a sense of empowerment that’s better than the alternative of acting-out your discontent or stuffing it away and burying it. You have the right to express yourself and ask for what you need and want.
Additionally, the formula is beneficial for helping both partners fine-tune their communication styles. For a more verbal partner, “I messages” help to streamline his thoughts into a simple, understandable statement rather than a barrage of sentences that can overwhelm his partner. For a less verbally-sophisticated or quiet partner, the formula allows him a step-by-step format for expressing himself if he typically has a hard time finding the words to convey what he’s thinking in his mind. While the formula may seem mechanical, contrived, or awkward, it provides a sound framework to begin from and can be modified to your own language and style. This is just one of many communication techniques you can try on for size!
Joe & Paul Revisited
Joe and Paul sat on the couch facing each other, both feeling more calm and centered as they desired to clear the air from their argument the night before and come to some resolution about how to
Computer forensics is a fast-growing career field, offering immense potential for jobs in law enforcement, military, intelligence agencies, corporations, and businesses. The job opportunities are skyrocketing, commensurate with the rapid spurt in computer crimes.Computer crimes, in the beginning, had only a sporadic occurrence. Now, it has become a fact of life that has to be dealt with by law enforcement agencies. As computer applications and the Internet have become inseparable parts of life, the instances of wrong-doing with the help of computers are the order of the day.For tackling crimes, the computers themselves have to be scanned thoroughly to determine whether they have been used for illegal or unauthorized activities or frauds.This can be done only by computer forensic experts who gain the tools through on-the-job experience, certification programs, and other qualifications.Computer forensic professionals are known by many titles, such as computer forensic investigators, digital media analysts, and digital forensics detectives. Each one describes the same career as it is concerned with the investigation of digital media.A computer forensic specialist earns salaries ranging from $85,000 to $120,000 per year, depending upon one’s skills and experience and the company and organizations he works for. Private companies offer more lucrative salaries than law enforcement agencies.
Love & Conflict
While the above scenario may seem a bit like “The Young & the Restless”, it certainly depicts how an argument can downward-spiral fast. Conflict is normal and inevitable in all relationships; in fact, there can’t be growth as a couple without it! However, the manner in which the conflict is approached and managed can either contribute to the health and development of the relationship, or it can cause its demise. Words hurt and can have lasting effect, and as seen by our friends Paul and Joe, they can damage the foundation of trust and intimacy that the partnership is built upon.
As a couple, it’s important to view conflict as an opportunity to bridge more connection. As men, we’ve been socialized to be strong, aggressive, and competitive. While these traits are definite assets, they can be counter-productive when communicating with a significant other about differences or problems. Another tendency that we men have is to skip over feelings and jump right into problem-solving mode to rectify a situation. This is another obstacle to effective communication in an intimate relationship. Listening and validation of each partner’s feelings and needs is an essential pre-requisite to problem-solving and requires us to slow down and really pay attention to the messages communicated by our lovers.
So when faced with an altercation with your partner, it’s important to do the following:
·Identify your triggers to anger and know when your emotions (or your partner’s) are at a point where continuing a dialogue would be detrimental and unproductive.
·Defuse anger immediately by calling a “Time-Out” and having a cool-down period where you can each relax and gain some perspective. This will help avoid the potential for hurtful words to be expressed; words that hurt and can’t be taken back.
·Schedule a time to come back and talk about the situation so that it’s not “swept under the rug”, which would only serve to accumulate resentments. Set the stage for communication by creating ground rules for discussion and a safe environment to have a dialogue.
·Have conscious intention during your talk. Avoid being distracted by what you want to say and instead be fully engaged with your partner and focus on active listening so you can truly understand his needs, feelings, and point-of-view. You’ll have your chance to state your position. Don’t interrupt, stay on one subject at a time, and display appropriate levels of empathy and validation for your partner.
The “I” Messages Communication Technique
There are almost as many communication models available as there are self-help books, but one of the most popular of them is the “I” statements communication technique. Frequently taught in couples counseling, this strategy has a practical and easy-to-use formula for expressing your needs and feelings in a direct, assertive way. If executed the right way, this model reduces the chances that your partner will respond in a defensive way and will promote a more successful communication session.
Basically, the formula reads:
I feel (insert feeling; make sure it’s a feeling, not a thought) when you (describe his behavior) because (rationale for why you feel the way you do) so instead, I’d prefer (request for a behavior change).
The model works well because you’re taking responsibility for your feelings without blaming and you’re describing the behavior that is upsetting to you as opposed to launching an attack on your partner’s character, which the word “you” alone tends to inspire and hence creates defensiveness on the part of the other. Requesting a behavior change doesn’t guarantee you’ll get what you want, but asserting yourself can give you a sense of empowerment that’s better than the alternative of acting-out your discontent or stuffing it away and burying it. You have the right to express yourself and ask for what you need and want.
Additionally, the formula is beneficial for helping both partners fine-tune their communication styles. For a more verbal partner, “I messages” help to streamline his thoughts into a simple, understandable statement rather than a barrage of sentences that can overwhelm his partner. For a less verbally-sophisticated or quiet partner, the formula allows him a step-by-step format for expressing himself if he typically has a hard time finding the words to convey what he’s thinking in his mind. While the formula may seem mechanical, contrived, or awkward, it provides a sound framework to begin from and can be modified to your own language and style. This is just one of many communication techniques you can try on for size!
Joe & Paul Revisited
Joe and Paul sat on the couch facing each other, both feeling more calm and centered as they desired to clear the air from their argument the night before and come to some resolution about how t
There is one thing I’ve always thought was pretty annoying when I hear news and reports about people criticizing the content in video games. I really think everyone got their mindset about video games all wrong and people are so consumed with either defending, or bashing video game content that the reality of things are dropped by the waist side. Video games are really popular, everyone plays them…From elementary school age kids, to teenagers, young adults, to retirement age adults. But I think the title…”Video Game” makes everyone think of toys ……for children. I remember reading one time where a lady bought Grand theft auto for her 14 year old son…then later saw the violence in the game and wanted to sue Rockstar. I remember thinking, if you were worried about the game’s content, why would you buy a game with the big letter “M” for mature on the cover. “Not recommended for someone under 17” is what the majority of those violent games say right on the cover. Halo, GTA, Manhunt, plenty of games has that large letter “M” stamped right on the games container. I cringe, every time I hear someone tell me their 7 year old’s favorite game is GTA. Maybe I’m wrong, but I kind of look at that letter “M” on those game boxes like the letter “R” on a DVD movie’s container. Not for kids.That’s where the problem lies I think. People see the word “game”, and think that it’s automatically for kids. They just cannot get it out of their
So when faced with an altercation with your partner, it’s important to do the following:
·Identify your triggers to anger and know when your emotions (or your partner’s) are at a point where continuing a dialogue would be detrimental and unproductive.
·Defuse anger immediately by calling a “Time-Out” and having a cool-down period where you can each relax and gain some perspective. This will help avoid the potential for hurtful words to be expressed; words that hurt and can’t be taken back.
·Schedule a time to come back and talk about the situation so that it’s not “swept under the rug”, which would only serve to accumulate resentments. Set the stage for communication by creating ground rules for discussion and a safe environment to have a dialogue.
·Have conscious intention during your talk. Avoid being distracted by what you want to say and instead be fully engaged with your partner and focus on active listening so you can truly understand his needs, feelings, and point-of-view. You’ll have your chance to state your position. Don’t interrupt, stay on one subject at a time, and display appropriate levels of empathy and validation for your partner.
The “I” Messages Communication Technique
There are almost as many communication models available as there are self-help books, but one of the most popular of them is the “I” statements communication technique. Frequently taught in couples counseling, this strategy has a practical and easy-to-use formula for expressing your needs and feelings in a direct, assertive way. If executed the right way, this model reduces the chances that your partner will respond in a defensive way and will promote a more successful communication session.
Basically, the formula reads:
I feel (insert feeling; make sure it’s a feeling, not a thought) when you (describe his behavior) because (rationale for why you feel the way you do) so instead, I’d prefer (request for a behavior change).
The model works well because you’re taking responsibility for your feelings without blaming and you’re describing the behavior that is upsetting to you as opposed to launching an attack on your partner’s character, which the word “you” alone tends to inspire and hence creates defensiveness on the part of the other. Requesting a behavior change doesn’t guarantee you’ll get what you want, but asserting yourself can give you a sense of empowerment that’s better than the alternative of acting-out your discontent or stuffing it away and burying it. You have the right to express yourself and ask for what you need and want.
Additionally, the formula is beneficial for helping both partners fine-tune their communication styles. For a more verbal partner, “I messages” help to streamline his thoughts into a simple, understandable statement rather than a barrage of sentences that can overwhelm his partner. For a less verbally-sophisticated or quiet partner, the formula allows him a step-by-step format for expressing himself if he typically has a hard time finding the words to convey what he’s thinking in his mind. While the formula may seem mechanical, contrived, or awkward, it provides a sound framework to begin from and can be modified to your own language and style. This is just one of many communication techniques you can try on for size!
Joe & Paul Revisited
Joe and Paul sat on the couch facing each other, both feeling more calm and centered as they desired to clear the air from their argument the night before and come to some resolution about how t
Nothing can be more upsetting than getting turned down by a the opposite sex especially when your suffering from depression. Be rest assured this is not the end of the world. While dating can be fun it can also help us out tremendously when we are feeling depressed. Having someone to talk to and be with will naturally lift your spirits up. But remember to keep cool and follow these general guidelines when dating while depressed.Remember you may feel exhilerated at the first date, but as time goes on and you continue to date the person as things become routine you may start to feel depressed. Remember to always be doing something, The same routine over and over again is boring, unless of course your perfectly content with boredom.Okay, we havent got to the part about asking the person out! That by far is the hardest part for anyone to do, especially if you are a person who is less socially active. But don't dispair, it's easier than you think. Think about it this way, do you get fearful when your calling up dear old gramma on the phone to check how she is doing? No! And I highly doubt she would reject you either. Just work up the courage, you can do it. Rehearse what you are going to say at first, and get it down so its fluid like. Don't be depressed if you get rejected. The best of us all get rejected at times.If your potential date says yes thats great. Now onto the date... Never, ever talk about how yo
The “I” Messages Communication Technique
There are almost as many communication models available as there are self-help books, but one of the most popular of them is the “I” statements communication technique. Frequently taught in couples counseling, this strategy has a practical and easy-to-use formula for expressing your needs and feelings in a direct, assertive way. If executed the right way, this model reduces the chances that your partner will respond in a defensive way and will promote a more successful communication session.
Basically, the formula reads:
I feel (insert feeling; make sure it’s a feeling, not a thought) when you (describe his behavior) because (rationale for why you feel the way you do) so instead, I’d prefer (request for a behavior change).
The model works well because you’re taking responsibility for your feelings without blaming and you’re describing the behavior that is upsetting to you as opposed to launching an attack on your partner’s character, which the word “you” alone tends to inspire and hence creates defensiveness on the part of the other. Requesting a behavior change doesn’t guarantee you’ll get what you want, but asserting yourself can give you a sense of empowerment that’s better than the alternative of acting-out your discontent or stuffing it away and burying it. You have the right to express yourself and ask for what you need and want.
Additionally, the formula is beneficial for helping both partners fine-tune their communication styles. For a more verbal partner, “I messages” help to streamline his thoughts into a simple, understandable statement rather than a barrage of sentences that can overwhelm his partner. For a less verbally-sophisticated or quiet partner, the formula allows him a step-by-step format for expressing himself if he typically has a hard time finding the words to convey what he’s thinking in his mind. While the formula may seem mechanical, contrived, or awkward, it provides a sound framework to begin from and can be modified to your own language and style. This is just one of many communication techniques you can try on for size!
Joe & Paul Revisited
Joe and Paul sat on the couch facing each other, both feeling more calm and centered as they desired to clear the air from their argument the night before and come to some resolution about how t
The Pitchers: SalesLet's say you have a new baseball team in town and it's almost time for the first game of the season. Your sales force is ready to sell a variety of package deals for the season. However, there's a major stumbling block as they prepare to approach potential buyers. No one knows about the package deals or even the date of the first game.No one tipped the local sports writer or the local TV news of the upcoming grand opening game. What happened to the marketing department? There's no marketing research, no publicity, and no idea where to begin targeting sales. Sales will flop and will make the sales department look bad, but it's marketing's fault since they didn't do their job.The Batters: MarketingLet's switch and see things from the marketing team's view. They do a grand job of posting banners of the first game in town. Marketing has pulled together piles of reports with data on the audience, their baseball attending habits, and game spending habits. Many people arrive for the game opener, buy a ticket for the game, and it's successful.Or is it really? The sales team is invisible. There is no one to build a relationship with the fans. No one has sold them packages for attending more than just the opener. Sales could go far beyond than one game. They could even help build relationships that go beyond the season. Marketing did a great job, but with poor sales
Additionally, the formula is beneficial for helping both partners fine-tune their communication styles. For a more verbal partner, “I messages” help to streamline his thoughts into a simple, understandable statement rather than a barrage of sentences that can overwhelm his partner. For a less verbally-sophisticated or quiet partner, the formula allows him a step-by-step format for expressing himself if he typically has a hard time finding the words to convey what he’s thinking in his mind. While the formula may seem mechanical, contrived, or awkward, it provides a sound framework to begin from and can be modified to your own language and style. This is just one of many communication techniques you can try on for size!
Joe & Paul Revisited
Joe and Paul sat on the couch facing each other, both feeling more calm and centered as they desired to clear the air from their argument the night before and come to some resolution about how to manage some of their issues moving forward. They didn’t want to hurt each other anymore and truly wanted to understand how the other felt and what he needed to avoid being reactive in the future.
Paul began. “Joe, I feel hurt and rejected when you don’t talk much when we’re out and when you look at other guys because we don’t get to see each other very much with our opposite work schedules and I feel it’s disrespectful to be admiring other men when you’re with me. I miss you and I feel scared that you might be losing interest in me when that happens. I’d prefer that you be more engaged when we’re together by not staring at other guys and by making the most of the time we have together by talking with me or giving me more attention.”
Joe responded with active listening techniques and Paul felt heard and validated. Joe then replied to Paul. “Paul, I feel frustrated and helpless when you make accusations that I’m cheating on you because I have very strong values in fidelity and have never done anything to compromise our commitment. I love you. I’d prefer that you refrain from jumping to conclusions and instead check things out with me that you might be thinking and feeling in a calm way to make sure we’re on the same page.”
The couple’s discussion went deeper and they were able to identify a lot of their fears and unmet needs that were underlying the anger that was coming out during their fight. Once they’d reached that level of understanding and both felt heard, the couple was then able to progress into a problem-solving stage. Joe refrained from flirting with other men to respect his relationship with Paul and channeled his energy into attending more to his partner’s needs and being more fully present when they were together. He also tried changing his work schedule around so they could have more quality time together, tried to show Paul ways he appreciated and cherished him through loving gestures and attention, and worked on improving his verbal and nonverbal communication skills. Paul set to work on challenging his insecurities, combating his tendency to make assumptions and “mind-read”, and began grieving and healing from past relationship wounds that he was projecting into his current relationship with Joe. He also worked hard on improving his boundaries and both aggressively worked on creating more balance between their individual and couple identities. This couple is on the right path to healing and continue to grow closer by the day.
Conclusion & Action Challenges
So how can you use “I” messages to improve your relationship? Here’s a few tips in conclusion to get you started:
·Make a list of all the feelings and/or needs you’d like to express to your partner and write them down in a journal. Now, using the “I feel___when you____because___so instead, I’d prefer___” formula, practice creating your own “I” statements. The more times you do this, the more natural it will feel. Role-play with a trusted friend or go directly to your partner and give it a try!
·Remember that it’s very important to identify the role that you yourself play in conflicts rather than putting all the emphasis on your partner and his behavior. You can’t change your partner.
·Expand your feelings vocabulary. Read books on emotional intelligence to broaden your skill-set.
·Identify any fears you may have that hold you back from listening or communicating your needs and feelings with your partner. Work at challenging them to support more connection in your relationship.
* The characters in this article are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.
©2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com
Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!
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