Recently I was working with a couple that was doing pretty well, yet had a brief conflict earlier in the week. Before we could even celebrate their progress one of them wanted to jump right in to talking about the conflict earlier in the week.

I asked them to stop for a moment and consider something: are you bringing this up to finish cleaning up the conflict or only serve to stir up the conflict?

How to Stir Up the Conflict

"Stir it up; little darlin' stir it up" - Bob Marley

There are several mistakes couples usually make that will stir up a conflict instead of cleaning it up.

• Bring up the same conflict over and over, called conflict rehashing.
• Bring it up when other conflicts arise.
• Beat 'em with your "angry stick"
• Tell other people about it until you get someone on your side. It's OK to talk to others to try to get some clarity, but not to rally people to your side.
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  ir progress one of them wanted to jump right in to talking about the conflict earlier in the week.

  I asked them to stop for a moment and consider something: are you bringing this up to finish cleaning up the conflict or only serve to stir up the conflict?

  How to Stir Up the Conflict

  "Stir it up; little darlin' stir it up" - Bob Marley

  There are several mistakes couples usually make that will stir up a conflict instead of cleaning it up.

  • Bring up the same conflict over and over, called conflict rehashing.
  • Bring it up when other conflicts arise.
  • Beat 'em with your "angry stick"
  • Tell other people about it until you get someone on your side. It's OK to talk to others to try to get some clarity, but not to rally people to your side
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    aning up the conflict or only serve to stir up the conflict?

    How to Stir Up the Conflict

    "Stir it up; little darlin' stir it up" - Bob Marley

    There are several mistakes couples usually make that will stir up a conflict instead of cleaning it up.

    • Bring up the same conflict over and over, called conflict rehashing.
    • Bring it up when other conflicts arise.
    • Beat 'em with your "angry stick"
    • Tell other people about it until you get someone on your side. It's OK to talk to others to try to get some clarity, but not to rally people to your side
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      usually make that will stir up a conflict instead of cleaning it up.
      • Bring up the same conflict over and over, called conflict rehashing.
      • Bring it up when other conflicts arise.
      • Beat 'em with your "angry stick"
      • Tell other people about it until you get someone on your side. It's OK to talk to others to try to get some clarity, but not to rally people to your side
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      • Beat 'em with your "angry stick"
      • Tell other people about it until you get someone on your side. It's OK to talk to others to try to get some clarity, but not to rally people to your side.
      • Never, ever let it go.
      • Don't talk about it at all and let the resentment build and build.

      If you recognize yourself in any of these tips, stop. I know that sounds so simple.

      Sometimes it can be.