disillusionment comes the real marriage’. This stage of remorse and regret builds the foundation upon which the couple can live out their chosen relationship, but first comes a lot of nit-picking and fault-finding as many expectations are dashed.

One reason for this encroaching anxiety is that P.E.A production of Stage 2, which helped you to become so loving, begins to decline. As we regarded the other person as the source of our good feelings, so we now blame her when we don’t feel as good! Things you once liked about your partner now become sources of frustration and hurt feelings.

The most noticeable thing at the start of this torrid stage is that the glasses have lost their rosy hue and are now crystal clear, with extra zoom lens added to focus on every tiny detail as the differences in each partner become magnified and appear far less attractive. At times you seem to have so little in common, everything the other person does is wrong. Little irritations which were ‘cute’ before are suddenly ‘yuck’ now and you wonder how you fancied her in the first place! You begin to notice that he is untidy while he notices that you’re very stubborn. There is some pulling away from each other, a need for space, a chance to breathe, as life slowly returns to normal and your work, leisure activities or college commitments assume importance again.

That is when you might discover that you are behnd in your project, or in the book you are desperate to write! He could also find out that his finances are in trouble – due to wining and dining you so much, or that he has missed important sporting matches and the antics of his football heroes, things he suppressed in the ‘besotment’ stage that you didn’t even know mattered to him. But that is only the beginning as his real personality emerges. Reality rapidly sets in, but a new kind which requires some understanding, acceptance and commitment from both parties. Your partner is now an extra person, perhaps with children in the picture. From where you’re sitting, that means a whole new perspective, and perhaps a daunting one. How you cope with this new situation will dictate everything else in your life.

Faults, Problems and Raw Emotions
With disillusion setting in, you suddenly see your partner as human. That romanticised notion, and the specialised vision you’ve had until now, crumbles away to reveal a real being, with real faults, real pain, real problems and real emotions. But often that is not what you are quite ready for. That reminds you too much of the real world and brings new anxieties. At such a time it is very easy to get on each other’s nerves, which is an essential part of the familiarisation process, nothing special or unusual, and no one is exempt from it either. But how we cope individually depends upon our expectation, our level of confidence and personal aspirations - the invisible forces wwe bring with us. As someone once said, ‘On the other side of disillusionment comes the real marriage’. This stage of remorse and regret builds the foundation upon which the couple can live out their chosen relationship, but first comes a lot of nit-picking and fault-finding as many expectations are dashed.

One reason for this encroaching anxiety is that P.E.A production of Stage 2, which helped you to become so loving, begins to decline. As we regarded the other person as the source of our good feelings, so we now blame her when we don’t feel as good! Things you once liked about your partner now become sources of frustration and hurt feelings. I

away from each other, a need for space, a chance to breathe, as life slowly returns to normal and your work, leisure activities or college commitments assume importance again.

That is when you might discover that you are behnd in your project, or in the book you are desperate to write! He could also find out that his finances are in trouble – due to wining and dining you so much, or that he has missed important sporting matches and the antics of his football heroes, things he suppressed in the ‘besotment’ stage that you didn’t even know mattered to him. But that is only the beginning as his real personality emerges. Reality rapidly sets in, but a new kind which requires some understanding, acceptance and commitment from both parties. Your partner is now an extra person, perhaps with children in the picture. From where you’re sitting, that means a whole new perspective, and perhaps a daunting one. How you cope with this new situation will dictate everything else in your life.

Faults, Problems and Raw Emotions
With disillusion setting in, you suddenly see your partner as human. That romanticised notion, and the specialised vision you’ve had until now, crumbles away to reveal a real being, with real faults, real pain, real problems and real emotions. But often that is not what you are quite ready for. That reminds you too much of the real world and brings new anxieties. At such a time it is very easy to get on each other’s nerves, which is an essential part of the familiarisation process, nothing special or unusual, and no one is exempt from it either. But how we cope individually depends upon our expectation, our level of confidence and personal aspirations - the invisible forces wwe bring with us. As someone once said, ‘On the other side of disillusionment comes the real marriage’. This stage of remorse and regret builds the foundation upon which the couple can live out their chosen relationship, but first comes a lot of nit-picking and fault-finding as many expectations are dashed.

One reason for this encroaching anxiety is that P.E.A production of Stage 2, which helped you to become so loving, begins to decline. As we regarded the other person as the source of our good feelings, so we now blame her when we don’t feel as good! Things you once liked about your partner now become sources of frustration and hurt feelings.

s his real personality emerges. Reality rapidly sets in, but a new kind which requires some understanding, acceptance and commitment from both parties. Your partner is now an extra person, perhaps with children in the picture. From where you’re sitting, that means a whole new perspective, and perhaps a daunting one. How you cope with this new situation will dictate everything else in your life.

Faults, Problems and Raw Emotions
With disillusion setting in, you suddenly see your partner as human. That romanticised notion, and the specialised vision you’ve had until now, crumbles away to reveal a real being, with real faults, real pain, real problems and real emotions. But often that is not what you are quite ready for. That reminds you too much of the real world and brings new anxieties. At such a time it is very easy to get on each other’s nerves, which is an essential part of the familiarisation process, nothing special or unusual, and no one is exempt from it either. But how we cope individually depends upon our expectation, our level of confidence and personal aspirations - the invisible forces wwe bring with us. As someone once said, ‘On the other side of disillusionment comes the real marriage’. This stage of remorse and regret builds the foundation upon which the couple can live out their chosen relationship, but first comes a lot of nit-picking and fault-finding as many expectations are dashed.

One reason for this encroaching anxiety is that P.E.A production of Stage 2, which helped you to become so loving, begins to decline. As we regarded the other person as the source of our good feelings, so we now blame her when we don’t feel as good! Things you once liked about your partner now become sources of frustration and hurt feelings.

bles away to reveal a real being, with real faults, real pain, real problems and real emotions. But often that is not what you are quite ready for. That reminds you too much of the real world and brings new anxieties. At such a time it is very easy to get on each other’s nerves, which is an essential part of the familiarisation process, nothing special or unusual, and no one is exempt from it either. But how we cope individually depends upon our expectation, our level of confidence and personal aspirations - the invisible forces wwe bring with us. As someone once said, ‘On the other side of disillusionment comes the real marriage’. This stage of remorse and regret builds the foundation upon which the couple can live out their chosen relationship, but first comes a lot of nit-picking and fault-finding as many expectations are dashed.

One reason for this encroaching anxiety is that P.E.A production of Stage 2, which helped you to become so loving, begins to decline. As we regarded the other person as the source of our good feelings, so we now blame her when we don’t feel as good! Things you once liked about your partner now become sources of frustration and hurt feelings.

disillusionment comes the real marriage’. This stage of remorse and regret builds the foundation upon which the couple can live out their chosen relationship, but first comes a lot of nit-picking and fault-finding as many expectations are dashed.

One reason for this encroaching anxiety is that P.E.A production of Stage 2, which helped you to become so loving, begins to decline. As we regarded the other person as the source of our good feelings, so we now blame her when we don’t feel as good! Things you once liked about your partner now become sources of frustration and hurt feelings. It sometimes feels like love is dying. You begin thinking, or even saying, things like: “Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like?” while becoming apprehensive and adversarial instead of trusting and cooperative.

Sometimes it feels as if you are walking on eggshells because little molehills so easily turn into big mountains. Frequently, one or both of you will engage in blame, criticism, sarcasm and put-downs as anger and resentment build up. The key words here are “He used to...” or “She used to...” which indicates something of value is no longer there and is sorely missed. Moreover, even though you dream of intimacy and closeness in a relationship, once you actually have it, it can start to rub a little and small irritations add up to large ones. There is now a wonder at the loss of privacy and a yearning for it, but privacy is always the first thing to go once you move in together or formally tie the knot.