thought that being hard on them would make them tougher. I have observed mothers reject boys’ needs for affection at the age of two, fearing they would “make him a mamma’s boy”. When a boy is rejected in this way, he is not allowed to talk about it (even if he could) because boys are not allowed to talk about their mothers. Our culture ridicules a boy for having the same needs as girls. When we add physical discipline to the mix, and the boy is unable to receive nurturing then the only physical contact the boy gets is through violence. Boys unable to meet their innate need for physical contact through hugs, hand holding and snuggling like girls do, are left with hitting and fighting to get their physical neeChildrearing has been something mostly left to our own wits. Dr. Spock pathed the way for parents to learning how to do the most important job of our lives. Now, anyone with education understands that hitting children is the least effective method of disciplining a child. At least we have mostly come out of the dark ages. But just not hitting is clearly not enough. Parents now struggle with how to set limits with children at all. Dr. Phil constantly pushes parents on his television program to “just say no”. Basically we now know 1) not to hit and 2) to say no. Hmm, I don’t think this is enough! Knowing that “we turned out okay” with the way our parents did it is not enough, either. We have to educate ourselves about what children need.

When we look at our world at large, we know that there is something “wrong with this picture”. There is growing violence in almost every sector; wars and tyranny exist all over the world and in every corner of our state. We humans have got to see that there is something we are doing wrong!

Scientists study human behavior and psychology to understand why it is people do the things they do. We have accumulated a vast amount of information, some of which is contradictory, but there is plenty of evidence to point to childrearing as key to the future behavior of adults. We now understand exactly what causes violence in humans and we know how to stop it.

We stop it by rearing our boys differently. Men and boys get a bad rap throughout history. Yes, they are the “violent gender”. But why is that? Why is it that when boys and girls are under about the age of 8 there is very little genetic differences, yet they tend toward violent behavior? Well, thanks to research we now know that this is because of how we raise our boys. It is clear, that how we socialize our male children impedes their ability to be empathic, tender and nurturing. They are not, as many would tend to promote, innately unable to be those things. No, males are not innately violent and cold. We create them this way. Mothers and fathers, teachers and coaches, the media and culture decide before they are born how they are going to behave. If this doesn’t stop there is no hope for peace.

As a culture we treat boys as though they were innately the tougher sex. In fact, the opposite is true. What we now know is that boys are least able to cope with emotional stress and trauma. They have some physiological differences in the development of their brains that prevents them from being able to cope with emotional stress as adeptly as females. Boys need more nurturance, more affection, more attention, and more tender loving care than girls!

But we raise boys to “toughen them up”. Perhaps some earlier generation noticed that boys are more needy and without enough information to handle it differently, thought that being hard on them would make them tougher. I have observed mothers reject boys’ needs for affection at the age of two, fearing they would “make him a mamma’s boy”. When a boy is rejected in this way, he is not allowed to talk about it (even if he could) because boys are not allowed to talk about their mothers. Our culture ridicules a boy for having the same needs as girls. When we add physical discipline to the mix, and the boy is unable to receive nurturing then the only physical contact the boy gets is through violence. Boys unable to meet their innate need for physical contact through hugs, hand holding and snuggling like girls do, are left with hitting and fighting to get their physical nee

selves about what children need.

When we look at our world at large, we know that there is something “wrong with this picture”. There is growing violence in almost every sector; wars and tyranny exist all over the world and in every corner of our state. We humans have got to see that there is something we are doing wrong!

Scientists study human behavior and psychology to understand why it is people do the things they do. We have accumulated a vast amount of information, some of which is contradictory, but there is plenty of evidence to point to childrearing as key to the future behavior of adults. We now understand exactly what causes violence in humans and we know how to stop it.

We stop it by rearing our boys differently. Men and boys get a bad rap throughout history. Yes, they are the “violent gender”. But why is that? Why is it that when boys and girls are under about the age of 8 there is very little genetic differences, yet they tend toward violent behavior? Well, thanks to research we now know that this is because of how we raise our boys. It is clear, that how we socialize our male children impedes their ability to be empathic, tender and nurturing. They are not, as many would tend to promote, innately unable to be those things. No, males are not innately violent and cold. We create them this way. Mothers and fathers, teachers and coaches, the media and culture decide before they are born how they are going to behave. If this doesn’t stop there is no hope for peace.

As a culture we treat boys as though they were innately the tougher sex. In fact, the opposite is true. What we now know is that boys are least able to cope with emotional stress and trauma. They have some physiological differences in the development of their brains that prevents them from being able to cope with emotional stress as adeptly as females. Boys need more nurturance, more affection, more attention, and more tender loving care than girls!

But we raise boys to “toughen them up”. Perhaps some earlier generation noticed that boys are more needy and without enough information to handle it differently, thought that being hard on them would make them tougher. I have observed mothers reject boys’ needs for affection at the age of two, fearing they would “make him a mamma’s boy”. When a boy is rejected in this way, he is not allowed to talk about it (even if he could) because boys are not allowed to talk about their mothers. Our culture ridicules a boy for having the same needs as girls. When we add physical discipline to the mix, and the boy is unable to receive nurturing then the only physical contact the boy gets is through violence. Boys unable to meet their innate need for physical contact through hugs, hand holding and snuggling like girls do, are left with hitting and fighting to get their physical nee

t by rearing our boys differently. Men and boys get a bad rap throughout history. Yes, they are the “violent gender”. But why is that? Why is it that when boys and girls are under about the age of 8 there is very little genetic differences, yet they tend toward violent behavior? Well, thanks to research we now know that this is because of how we raise our boys. It is clear, that how we socialize our male children impedes their ability to be empathic, tender and nurturing. They are not, as many would tend to promote, innately unable to be those things. No, males are not innately violent and cold. We create them this way. Mothers and fathers, teachers and coaches, the media and culture decide before they are born how they are going to behave. If this doesn’t stop there is no hope for peace.

As a culture we treat boys as though they were innately the tougher sex. In fact, the opposite is true. What we now know is that boys are least able to cope with emotional stress and trauma. They have some physiological differences in the development of their brains that prevents them from being able to cope with emotional stress as adeptly as females. Boys need more nurturance, more affection, more attention, and more tender loving care than girls!

But we raise boys to “toughen them up”. Perhaps some earlier generation noticed that boys are more needy and without enough information to handle it differently, thought that being hard on them would make them tougher. I have observed mothers reject boys’ needs for affection at the age of two, fearing they would “make him a mamma’s boy”. When a boy is rejected in this way, he is not allowed to talk about it (even if he could) because boys are not allowed to talk about their mothers. Our culture ridicules a boy for having the same needs as girls. When we add physical discipline to the mix, and the boy is unable to receive nurturing then the only physical contact the boy gets is through violence. Boys unable to meet their innate need for physical contact through hugs, hand holding and snuggling like girls do, are left with hitting and fighting to get their physical nee

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