is subjected to the tragic effects of so called physical "correction."

• "Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other dictators were exposed to severe physical mistreatment in childhood and refused to face up to the fact later. Instead of seeing and feeling what had happened to them, they avenged themselves vicariously by killing millions of people. And millions of others helped them to do so. If the legislation we are advocating had existed at that time, those millions would simply have refused to perpetrate acts of cruelty at the command of crazed political leaders."

• "Had just one person understood what was happening and come to my defense, it might have changed my entire life."

• “... if we are willing to open our eyes to the suffering of the child we will soon see that it lies within us as adults either to turn the newborn into a monsters by the way we treat them, or to let them grow u

Are you shocked, sickened and dismayed by the Virginia Tech shootings? I am not shocked, but I am significantly sickened and dismayed that society is in denial about what prompts anyone to become violent.

According to many posts on a variety of blogs, Cho-Seung Hui cried out for help the only way he knew how, through his writing. Although, according to some posts, he was seeing a counselor, apparently no one believed he would be violent. Based on his writings it would seem obvious to a professional that his rage was barely below the surface. Furthermore, his writings indicated he had been severely physically and/or sexually abused. How could a professional misjudge such graphic details as potential violence? The answer is simple.

The truth is, we cannot have empathy toward or recognize the aftereffects of childhood abuse in adults until we can honestly acknowledge the mistreatment from our own childhood experiences and examine the shortcomings of our own parents. To the extent we feel compelled to defend our parents and guard their secrets of abuse—we will do the same for others. We will look the other way. By continually insisting that we “turned out okay,” no matter how our parents might have abused us, we are reassuring ourselves and diverting our attention from deeply hidden unpleasant memories.

This is why, when someone says, your emotional pain is directly connected to the verbal, mental, physical and/or sexual abuse you experienced, many people react as though a door barricaded since infancy has been smashed open. This barricaded, unconscious door has prevented people from committing the most dangerous, most unpardonable act of disloyalty imaginable, disloyalty to ones parents. People are afraid that by opening the door they might all through into an abyss—abandoned and cut off from any possibility of reconciliation with the parents they love. The fear is irrational. Denial—about what was done to our generation and, now, what we are doing and allowing to be done to the next generation—is the real danger and the real sin.

Reconciliation and healing can only begin with an acknowledgment of the truth. It is futile to hope that lies, evasions and excuses can somehow erase the memory and the pain of past emotional and physical injuries.

In 1979, Alice Miller, a psychotherapist, after twenty years of practicing psychoanalysis decided psychoanalysis was not the best way to help people. She came to believe that it would be more helpful to write about the parent-child relationship. She wanted people to see how parents and teachers unintentionally damage children, even when they believe they are acting in the best interests of the child. She wanted people to see how the belief that hurting children is good for them has been perpetuated from one generation to the next. She is still one of the most articulate children's advocates writing today. Dr. Miller states:

• "Every smack is a humiliation."

• “Physical cruelty and emotional humiliation not only leave their marks on children, they also inflict a disastrous imprint of the future of our society. Information on the effects of the "well-meant smack" should therefore be part and parcel of courses for expectant mothers and of counseling for parents.” The claim that mild punishments (slaps or smacks) have no detrimental effect is still widespread because we got this message very early from our parents who had taken it over from their own parents. Unfortunately, the main damage it causes is precisely the broad dissemination of this conviction. The result of which is that each successive generation is subjected to the tragic effects of so called physical "correction."

• "Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other dictators were exposed to severe physical mistreatment in childhood and refused to face up to the fact later. Instead of seeing and feeling what had happened to them, they avenged themselves vicariously by killing millions of people. And millions of others helped them to do so. If the legislation we are advocating had existed at that time, those millions would simply have refused to perpetrate acts of cruelty at the command of crazed political leaders."

• "Had just one person understood what was happening and come to my defense, it might have changed my entire life."

• “... if we are willing to open our eyes to the suffering of the child we will soon see that it lies within us as adults either to turn the newborn into a monsters by the way we treat them, or to let them grow up

our own childhood experiences and examine the shortcomings of our own parents. To the extent we feel compelled to defend our parents and guard their secrets of abuse—we will do the same for others. We will look the other way. By continually insisting that we “turned out okay,” no matter how our parents might have abused us, we are reassuring ourselves and diverting our attention from deeply hidden unpleasant memories.

This is why, when someone says, your emotional pain is directly connected to the verbal, mental, physical and/or sexual abuse you experienced, many people react as though a door barricaded since infancy has been smashed open. This barricaded, unconscious door has prevented people from committing the most dangerous, most unpardonable act of disloyalty imaginable, disloyalty to ones parents. People are afraid that by opening the door they might all through into an abyss—abandoned and cut off from any possibility of reconciliation with the parents they love. The fear is irrational. Denial—about what was done to our generation and, now, what we are doing and allowing to be done to the next generation—is the real danger and the real sin.

Reconciliation and healing can only begin with an acknowledgment of the truth. It is futile to hope that lies, evasions and excuses can somehow erase the memory and the pain of past emotional and physical injuries.

In 1979, Alice Miller, a psychotherapist, after twenty years of practicing psychoanalysis decided psychoanalysis was not the best way to help people. She came to believe that it would be more helpful to write about the parent-child relationship. She wanted people to see how parents and teachers unintentionally damage children, even when they believe they are acting in the best interests of the child. She wanted people to see how the belief that hurting children is good for them has been perpetuated from one generation to the next. She is still one of the most articulate children's advocates writing today. Dr. Miller states:

• "Every smack is a humiliation."

• “Physical cruelty and emotional humiliation not only leave their marks on children, they also inflict a disastrous imprint of the future of our society. Information on the effects of the "well-meant smack" should therefore be part and parcel of courses for expectant mothers and of counseling for parents.” The claim that mild punishments (slaps or smacks) have no detrimental effect is still widespread because we got this message very early from our parents who had taken it over from their own parents. Unfortunately, the main damage it causes is precisely the broad dissemination of this conviction. The result of which is that each successive generation is subjected to the tragic effects of so called physical "correction."

• "Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other dictators were exposed to severe physical mistreatment in childhood and refused to face up to the fact later. Instead of seeing and feeling what had happened to them, they avenged themselves vicariously by killing millions of people. And millions of others helped them to do so. If the legislation we are advocating had existed at that time, those millions would simply have refused to perpetrate acts of cruelty at the command of crazed political leaders."

• "Had just one person understood what was happening and come to my defense, it might have changed my entire life."

• “... if we are willing to open our eyes to the suffering of the child we will soon see that it lies within us as adults either to turn the newborn into a monsters by the way we treat them, or to let them grow u

cut off from any possibility of reconciliation with the parents they love. The fear is irrational. Denial—about what was done to our generation and, now, what we are doing and allowing to be done to the next generation—is the real danger and the real sin.

Reconciliation and healing can only begin with an acknowledgment of the truth. It is futile to hope that lies, evasions and excuses can somehow erase the memory and the pain of past emotional and physical injuries.

In 1979, Alice Miller, a psychotherapist, after twenty years of practicing psychoanalysis decided psychoanalysis was not the best way to help people. She came to believe that it would be more helpful to write about the parent-child relationship. She wanted people to see how parents and teachers unintentionally damage children, even when they believe they are acting in the best interests of the child. She wanted people to see how the belief that hurting children is good for them has been perpetuated from one generation to the next. She is still one of the most articulate children's advocates writing today. Dr. Miller states:

• "Every smack is a humiliation."

• “Physical cruelty and emotional humiliation not only leave their marks on children, they also inflict a disastrous imprint of the future of our society. Information on the effects of the "well-meant smack" should therefore be part and parcel of courses for expectant mothers and of counseling for parents.” The claim that mild punishments (slaps or smacks) have no detrimental effect is still widespread because we got this message very early from our parents who had taken it over from their own parents. Unfortunately, the main damage it causes is precisely the broad dissemination of this conviction. The result of which is that each successive generation is subjected to the tragic effects of so called physical "correction."

• "Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other dictators were exposed to severe physical mistreatment in childhood and refused to face up to the fact later. Instead of seeing and feeling what had happened to them, they avenged themselves vicariously by killing millions of people. And millions of others helped them to do so. If the legislation we are advocating had existed at that time, those millions would simply have refused to perpetrate acts of cruelty at the command of crazed political leaders."

• "Had just one person understood what was happening and come to my defense, it might have changed my entire life."

• “... if we are willing to open our eyes to the suffering of the child we will soon see that it lies within us as adults either to turn the newborn into a monsters by the way we treat them, or to let them grow u

how the belief that hurting children is good for them has been perpetuated from one generation to the next. She is still one of the most articulate children's advocates writing today. Dr. Miller states:

• "Every smack is a humiliation."

• “Physical cruelty and emotional humiliation not only leave their marks on children, they also inflict a disastrous imprint of the future of our society. Information on the effects of the "well-meant smack" should therefore be part and parcel of courses for expectant mothers and of counseling for parents.” The claim that mild punishments (slaps or smacks) have no detrimental effect is still widespread because we got this message very early from our parents who had taken it over from their own parents. Unfortunately, the main damage it causes is precisely the broad dissemination of this conviction. The result of which is that each successive generation is subjected to the tragic effects of so called physical "correction."

• "Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other dictators were exposed to severe physical mistreatment in childhood and refused to face up to the fact later. Instead of seeing and feeling what had happened to them, they avenged themselves vicariously by killing millions of people. And millions of others helped them to do so. If the legislation we are advocating had existed at that time, those millions would simply have refused to perpetrate acts of cruelty at the command of crazed political leaders."

• "Had just one person understood what was happening and come to my defense, it might have changed my entire life."

• “... if we are willing to open our eyes to the suffering of the child we will soon see that it lies within us as adults either to turn the newborn into a monsters by the way we treat them, or to let them grow u

is subjected to the tragic effects of so called physical "correction."

• "Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other dictators were exposed to severe physical mistreatment in childhood and refused to face up to the fact later. Instead of seeing and feeling what had happened to them, they avenged themselves vicariously by killing millions of people. And millions of others helped them to do so. If the legislation we are advocating had existed at that time, those millions would simply have refused to perpetrate acts of cruelty at the command of crazed political leaders."

• "Had just one person understood what was happening and come to my defense, it might have changed my entire life."

• “... if we are willing to open our eyes to the suffering of the child we will soon see that it lies within us as adults either to turn the newborn into a monsters by the way we treat them, or to let them grow up into feeling--and therefore responsible--human beings.”

Let us heed Cho-Seung Hui cry for help albeit too late for him. Let us heed, Dr. Miller’s well researched understanding of the aftereffects of emotional, mental, physical and/or sexual child abuse. Let us heed these poignant messages so that we stop the cycle of violence now.